Tackling Demons with Art.

Today I had the pleasure of working with Ted Sandilands on concepts that are very dark & deep. Ted and I go way back, we have been working together for 6 years now.

When Ted and I get together for a shoot, the wheels are are always turning. There is no stopping us, we spill creative ideas so much and get so carried away we have to take a step back. Today we tackled several deep, dark, emotional concepts that hit home for me.

These photos may look like your average fine art nude, implied, or even a silly but sexy photo of a girl covered in pizza but they mean a lot more than just that. Over the course of several years I have been in a emotionally abusive and controlling relationship/marriage. Normally I leave my personal issues at the door, and never talk about them. In order to fully understand the meaning behind the photos I must explain some of my demons.

With the control, comes this photo. Hands grabbing me, trying to silence me, to try to make me conform and behave. You never really know how controlled you are until your outside looking in.

Next series of images have to do with marriage. The concept of being bound, tied, sexualized, and controlled. The veil representing a bride, tied up by the veil. Being unable to break free, move freely as one desires, exhausted, and left to starve emotionally.

Another very awesome image we created today was the one below. It is a black candle, the wax is melting onto a marriage certificate. Legally on paper you are husband and wife. This piece of paper shouldn't measure the amount of love between you and your partner.

A piece of paper should not have to be proof of your love. When there is only darkness in your marriage, its hard to hid, its very hard to keep the flame going. My candle had seen better days, it started to show, until one day my flame exhausted and so did my marriage.

The next series of photos look fun but have a horrible inside joke that I'm not sure if I should even really get into. Emotional abuse can be very ugly, I have had some words that just stuck with me, especially when it involves my appearance or body. While venting I told some friends about some of the aweful things that have been said to me over the years.

Dumbfounded, and kind of angered, of these insults and accusations, of course they always try to make me laugh to make me feel better. (I have the best group of guy friends a gal could ask for ) So my one friend ended up referring to one of these insults, as pizza. The insult is pretty personal, lets just say it has to do with a certain lady part.

Any how, so I decided to do a photo shoot covered in pizza and pizza covering my lady parts. I've struggled with body image issues over the years, (Yes, I know but I model? Modeling has helped me over come a lot, and empowers me) due to my past relationship. Also I love pizza (the edible one you consume, the food) Who doesn't mind a naked chick covered in pizza? Who doesn't love pizza? Wither it's not the best, too saucy or smooshed, you cant go wrong with pizza.

With all the extra pizza we had from my pizza shoot, We decided to cover an issue, that many people struggle with eating. Your starving and want to feed your body's needs, but you don't want to eat because your feeling self conscious about your body's size. If I eat I will gain weight, become bloated, I'm already fat....etc the list going one. So you sit and stare at the fridge, what can I eat that wont make me fat? But will fill me up? Should I bother even eating?

I've dealt with this mental fight between my stomach and brain. It sucks. If I eat, I risk becoming fatter and bloated, if I refuse to eat just this once because of that reason do I have a disorder? Image issues are really difficult and can ruin your entire day and mood. Photo shoot has giving me that outlet to have a chance to have something rewarding to show me proof, I can be attractive and look good still even if I eat that whole damn pizza. (NO pizza was harmed in the shooting of these photos, I wanted too)